The decision to delay the end of a marriage may hinge on many factors. For example, you may share business interests with your spouse, need more time to save money for after your split or have momentous family events coming up. Putting off the inevitable may come from much more personal reasons too, and a common one is to stay together for the children.
Perhaps you are a child of divorce yourself, and you were hoping to spare your children the trauma you went through. While this is commendable, there are some important things to consider before deciding to postpone the end of your marriage indefinitely.
Give me one good reason
Of course, it goes without saying that if you are in an abusive marriage or if your spouse is abusive to the children, the benefits of staying together may not compare with the damage you and your children suffer if you stay. Abuse is not only physical harm. Many adults can tell stories of the emotional, verbal and psychological mistreatment they endured and the effects such treatment had on them into adulthood.
That aside, there may be logical and commendable reasons for staying together, at least while your children are young. Some of those reasons may include:
- The benefits of staying together outweigh the perks of leaving, for example health insurance or shared income.
- You and your spouse may be able to work out your problems and save your marriage.
- You want to avoid putting your children through the confusion of a divorce.
- You know that children of divorce may struggle with relationships and personal achievement throughout their lives.
- You are willing to remain in an unhappy marriage if the children will benefit from being with both parents.
On the other hand, you may already see in the eyes of your children that they are suffering from the unhappiness in the household. If you and your spouse argue or wage war with one another, your children may already be struggling with their emotions. Staying together at this point may not be good for anyone, if you are totally honest with yourself.
Many family counselors report that parents who stay together for the sake of the kids often regret the decision. Instead of bringing the heartache to an end and beginning anew with fresh opportunities, the inevitable is prolonged and the pain compounded. If, after a careful evaluation of the risks and benefits, you determine the best course of action for your family is to divorce, you would be wise to seek the advice of a New York legal professional to help you with the next step in the process.